Umbrage in Umbria
In which Diane Lane
plays an American woman
recovering from the pain
of a recent divorce.
Sandra Oh will feature
As her quirky sidekick,
Tonto to Diane’s Lone Ranger.
Smoldering local love interest –
Xavier Bardem or Antonio Banderas –
they’re not Italian
but if you want “smoldering”
you’ve got to call in the Spanish.
We’ll need a Brit,
Maggie Smith, perhaps,
as a sage but ageing dowager.
Max Von Sydow is still alive
(I’ve just googled him)
he could be the priest
but that might be too much Swedish gloom
we need wry and twinkling.
Morgan Freeman, I’m thinking
an explanation will be needed
as to how he got there.
Richard Gere will appear
near the end,
as the ex-husband
rich and massively contrite
now that his bimbo has fled –
the philandering bastard.
And as for the umbrage
taken by whom
because of what
you’ll just have to wait for the movie.