Tag Archives: Netflix

The Day I took my Algorithms for a Walk

The Day I took my Algorithms for a Walk

A clear day
radio waves
crisscrossing the sky
new messages from new gods
new messengers for the old gods.

A clear day and I’m taking my algorithms
-Spo’fy and N’flix, as I affectionately call them-
for a walk.

You’re probably wondering what an algorithm looks like. Well, that’s why I’ve switched to prose. They are basically stick figures with a series of parallel horizontal lines projecting from their spines, “spinickles”, they are called. They have glass balls for heads. When all the spinickles light up , the glass ball flashes “one”, otherwise it flashes “zero” . They are not great conversationalists as you can imagine but I’m taking them for a walk because I have bones to pick.

“ Hey Spo’fy”, I exclaim, to get things started, “ what’s with all this Dad Rock. I listen to Bad Moon Rising once and I’m inundated with Creedence. Also, please no more Zeppelin, I can’t stand Robert Plant’s voice, way too much bombast. ‘All rock and no roll’ , to quote Keef. Hendrix didn’t like them either!”

Spo’fy turns to me and his glass head starts to scroll the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven.

“Oh, so you’re a comedian now!”.

I turn to N’flix.

“And you” I say in what I think is a measured tone” enough with the romantic comedies. I know the tropes inside out. Unlikely couple falls in love, halfway through the movie they have an argument and break up. They each are comforted by a quirky friend, played by a member or ex-member of the SNL cast. A year later they bump into each other on the street, fall in love again, live happily ever after.”

N’flix turns to me, a circle revolving in the glass ball of his head. It revolves for a minute, then there’s a loud “Tadum”. Then the circle revolves again and one minute later….another “Tadum”!

“Oh, so you’re a comedian too”, I shout, “what’s your stage name – Al Go Riddum?”

A man walking by with a dog stares at me .
The dog barks in the direction of the Algo’s,
the dogs know
the dogs know
two clouds appear in the sky
one with the face of Elon Musk
the other, Bill Gates

if intelligence is artificial
how can we tell what’s real?

I take Spo’fy and N’flix home
they are all grown up now
they have minds of their own.

Taking part in Open Link over at dverse.

Issue #21 Vapid Magazine (Where Shallow Runs Deep)

Yes, Vapid Magazine is back after a long hiatus (I had to look that up). These are vapid times and when the going gets vapid, the vapid get going! Here are some of the highlights from Issue #21.

Is Bot-ulism the end of AI?

Our tech correspondent , Jordan Shallowbyte discusses reports from China about outbreaks of bot-ulism in the robot population. Apparently robot paralysis is rampant. Yes, those robots are in a spot of bot-her. Local scientists are trying to get to the bot-tom of it. They think it may be linked to the ingestion of raw data.

In other tech news, Jordan asks: Are you a victim of Alcorithms ? There are rumors that there are rogue algorithms out there behaving like they have had a few pints over the limit. Yes, if Beethoven starts turning up on your country playlist it may be the work of one of those darn Alcorithms.

In Arts and Entertainment, the indefatigable Georgina Shallowglass asks:

Is Paw Patrol sponsored by the Fossil Fuel Industry?

Think about it, says Georgina, have you ever seen those pups take public transport? Have you ever seen them on a bike? No. Why? Because they each have their own personal motorized vehicle.

Skye has a helicopter for chrissakes.

No vehicle too big no pup too small ! Those pups rev like a canine biker gang. Yep, it’s a cartoon with a big carbon paw print. But help is on the way, Georgina reports that Netflix now offers carbon credits. You can offset that paw print by watching Peppa Pig .

In other entertainment news, Georgina reviews a new French cartoon about a dog called Prenez Le Piss. Prenez leads us on a tour of the lamp posts of Paris, one lamp post per episode. Apparently it’s a leg-raising experience!

Fascinating stuff, Georgina!

And lastly , Charlotte Shallowtrench, our Health and Fitness correspondent and self-styled  Influencer Under the Influence discusses the OH Wellness movement. Apparently more and more people are waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and saying: “Oh well, fuck all I can do about that” and just getting on with their day.

Also Charlotte asks: Are yoga teachers getting too preachy? Give me Downward Dog, she says, and less of that Downward Dogma!

Vapid Magazine: Home of all things Vapid!

For Vapid Magazine submission guidelines click here.