it came as a gift now it sits in the corner like a sulky child demanding attention
you learn that on a trip to the Arctic frost bit the tip of Harry’s todger making him a not so jolly Roger a less than artful dodger when he’s an old codger he will remember the day he froze his dingus, his dong his John Thomas his todger but for now his royal cannon is just, well, tabloid fodder.
Kenopsia, Minnesota is a pissant, little burg has been ever since that one horse died, only landmark is Mel’s Burgers on Main St, the only street. Try Mel’s Famous Burgers the sign on the outskirts of town says and some people do.
One day a stranger came to town dressed in black with a low brim hat and Lee Van Cleef eyes some say he hailed from Aphasia, Wisconsin others were past saying you know what I’m sayin’.
The stranger walks into Mel’s Burgers and Mel’s dog starts to howl a pitiful howl that could be heard in Amentalio, ten miles down the road. Give me one of your famous burgers he says to Mel, and Mel does ten minutes later the stranger is dead on the floor and all hopes the town had of appearing in a Stephen King novel or an episode of Fargo died with that stranger.
Thanks to Linda over at dverse for her excellent prompt, check it out here. The names of the towns in the poem were taking from the book The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig. All is explained in Linda’s post.
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When to Submit
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Our film critic reviews the latest summer blockbuster, “Planet of the Buffoons” , starring Boris (Bozo Bear) Johnson and Donald (Agent Orange) Trump and featuring Vladimir Putin as The Wily Sidekick.
In our Business Section:
The value of intelligence, logic and compassion continues to drop on the HTSE ( Human Traits Stock Exchange), while greed and self- interest continue their meteoric rise. Regular readers of this magazine will be happy to hear that vapidity continues to be a solid earner and an essential component of any balanced portfolio.
Speaking of the Environment:
We examine a theory popular among members of the Republican Party, and anyone connected to the oil industry, that when the polar ice caps melt, polar bears will be able to survive on an almost infinite supply of the polar berries that will thrive on the newly exposed land. This new diet will actually be healthier than their previous protein based diet.
Kellyanne Conway reveals how she cured her husband’s insomnia!
Melania Trump wonders out loud if there is anything in the constitution that says the White House has to be white (she’s thinking pink stucco!).
Rudy Giuliani denies that the White House is white.
Robert Mueller shares his barbecue sauce recipe (un-redacted) and talks about retiring and opening a funeral parlour
In an exclusive interview Mrs Mueller talks about life with Bob (quote: “You’re disappointed! Let me tell you about disappointment”).
Plus….we ask the question: are algorithms ruling our lives? And fail to answer it, because we have no idea what an algorithm is.
In our How To feature, Jared Kushner demonstrates how to enter a house through the clothes dryer vent. Well done, Jared!
And finally in our health section, we ask: Is your skin getting thinner? Do you wake up in the morning and feel offended before you get out of bed? Are you at the point where apologies just don’t do it anymore? Ten easy to follow tips to help you thicken that epidermis (the French word for skin)!
Issue #10 of Vapid Magazine will be out next week.
In this issue, Ivanka Trump and Gwyneth Paltrow discuss what it is like to be rich, vapid and blonde and we ask the question: can an influencer be influenced by an influencer who is under the influence?
Also…How to protect your skin against climate change! 10 Easy Tips!