Tag Archives: smart phones

So Distracted / Smart Phone (with apologies to Dickens and Darwin)

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So Distracted

Snapchat
WhatsApp
Instagram
Facebook

What?
……..I’m so distracted

Text message
Twitter feed
I’ll follow you
if you follow me

What?
……..I’m so distracted

Spotify
Pokémon
I just got a like
from Pakistan

What?
……..I’m so distracted

So distracted
So distracted
did I walk that back?
did I retract it?

So distracted
So distracted
did I walk that back?
did I retract it?

What?

 

Smart Phone (with apologies to Dickens and Darwin)

’twas the best invention
’twas the worst invention

’twas communication’s new dawn
’twas the end of communication

’twas a pain in the neck
’twas incipient myopia

’twas why we evolved
with opposable thumbs.

 

Ooh, Chemicals, Bad! (Slim, eHarmony and a Rant)

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The sun drops behind the ridge of the house

convection currents go crazy in the trees,

the moth balls smell like halitosis

on the warm neurotic breeze.

Slim and I are logging some early evening deck time chowing down on barbecued steaks from ‘What The Cat Dragged In’, our local artisan butcher shop, and sipping a balls forward red, having already polished off a growler of craft IPA – slightly over-hopped with a hint of camel’s breath.

It’s hot. Rivulets of sweat trickle down Slim’s face forming a damp half-moon at the neck of his white tee shirt which carries the message “IT’S NOT IMPORTANT”. I’m telling him about how I spread moth balls all around the base of the shed at the end of the garden in a vain attempt to deter the two skunks who have set up home underneath it.

(rivulets,

Romulus,

amulets)

“Napthalene” Slim announces “is the chemical name for moth balls. I was out on an eHarmony date last night and I mentioned to the lady I was having dinner with that I used to work in the chemical industry….”

Slim on eHarmony, this is news to me. I wonder what his profile is like, what hobbies has he listed? I know he doesn’t kayak or go for long walks on the beach at sunset, his main interests outside of poetry are Premier League soccer and playing bass in a Clash tribute band (not coming to a venue anywhere near anybody, soon). Plus, he hasn’t dated anyone in years and his wardrobe consists of faded jeans and white tee shirts that are too small for him and usually carry some nihilist, dystopian message.

“What did you list as your hobbies on your eHarmony profile?” I interrupt, to his annoyance.

“Cooking, now let me get on with my story. As I said I mentioned to the lady I was having dinner with that I used to work in the chemical industry and she grimaced and said:  ‘Ooh, chemicals, bad!’ So I told her that at least 50% of what she was wearing was synthetic material made from petroleum by products; that behind the walls of the restaurant that we were sitting in were miles of electrical wire covered in plastic insulating material made from petroleum byproducts; that the phone she keeps checking contains plastics, not to mention lithium, probably mined using child labour in Africa; that the toilet seats  that we plonk our over-privileged arses on are made from plastic; that all these materials are products of the chemical industry and are manufactured in some shit hole of a town far from our blissed out home; that we are not going back to an agrarian society, we are too soft and distracted, the work is too hard and we would be bored out of our fucking skulls; that we have to regulate industry, not get rid of it and how we can we possibly move forward if we don’t understand where we stand, or sit”.

“What was her response?” I asked.

“She said that she was going to the washroom to plonk her over privileged arse on a plastic toilet seat, and she never came back.”

 

 

3 Poems Referencing Members of the Clergy in a Simile or Metaphor

Distraction

in procession down Blenheim

a father and son

each bent over his phone

like a priest reading his office.

 

Bull Bison

cast out from the herd

he shuffles the prairie

like an old Christian Brother

like an unkempt monk.

 

Skunk Three

There are now 2 skunks living under the shed at the back of our garden. Yesterday, they came out to frolic around on the lawn in the late evening sun and later around 11:30, they strolled beneath our window filling our bedroom with that skunk smell. Skunk spray, by the way,  consists of seven major volatile components; they are mainly organic sulphurs (mercaptans), which are also responsible for the way that pulp mills smell. The spray is stored in scent glands on either side of the skunk’s anus, a skunk has  enough for 5 or 6 sprays and it takes 10 days to be restore the supply. So, they do not spray unless they have to.

Where was I? This poem started off a few posts back as a haiku (“Skunk”). I didn’t like the ending so I changed the last line (“Skunk Two”). Then I began thinking about form. Yes, writing to a form does corral a poem and focus language but every now and again it is good to open the gate and let the poem run free. So I have gone hog wild here, added 2 extra syllables and combined the last two lines of the 2 poems, here it is:

Skunk

struts across the lawn

with a cleric’s confidence

tail cocked, sphincter primed, cocksure.