Peripatetic Blues Rewrite (Verses 1 and 2 and 3)


I just popped that pill I got
from a guy who called me ‘dude’
now the signs along the highway
are leaking semiotic fluid


and the cacti look psychotic
lizards parse the desert floor
far off in the clint-eyed distance
I see a slowly revolving door


and I’m feeling, demotic, neurotic, anecdotal, overused
I’m looking for a sanctuary, the fisherman and the shoes
I’ve got those hallucination highway peripatetic blues.

I’ve been writing/ rewriting this poem verse by verse this week, posting a new verse each day. I think I may have come to the end of the poem, but I may take it up again.

Either way, there is a fascinating prompt from Bjorn over at dverse on the subject of conceit: To quote Bjorn:

“A conceit is defined as an extended and complex metaphor”

From Wikipedia:

“In literature, a conceit is an extended metaphor with complex logic that governs a poetic passage or entire poem. By juxtaposing, usurping and manipulating images and ideas in surprising ways, a conceit invites the reader into a more sophisticated understanding of an object of comparison.”

Also from Anna in a previous dverse post:

“Conceits, on the other hand, surprise and shock the readers by making farfetched comparisons.”

Somewhere in there I think my poem fits…….maybe.

26 thoughts on “Peripatetic Blues Rewrite (Verses 1 and 2 and 3)

  1. Ingrid

    Well this is psychedelically fantastic, from the signs ‘leaking semiotic fluid’ to the ‘slowly revolving door’ in the ‘clint-eyed distance’ – expect the unexpected!


  2. hedgewitch

    This poem seems built out of pure image, and every one you draw in echoes your theme of a disjointed trip taken without leaving the farm, as we used to say. I loved that everything was so visual, and the hammer of the list-like adjectives hits just the right note on the psychedelic xylophone that echoes these electric blues. While I dearly loved feeling demotic with the psychotic cacti, this has to be my favorite line: “..far off in the clint-eyed distance..” It makes you squint.



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