Tag Archives: Jared Kushner

The Dryer Vent Invasion (poem)

The Dryer Vent Invasion

Last night I dreamt
that Jared Kushner and Stephen Miller
had entered my basement
through the dryer vent,
maybe “entered” is the wrong word
it was more an “insinuation”,
a slithering, under the vent flap
down the plastic vent hose
and into the dryer drum
where they paused briefly
to cough up some lint
before pushing open the dryer door
and oozing out onto the basement floor.

In the morning I went down to check the basement
feeling more than a little anxious.
it was empty, nothing had changed.
I sensed movement
out of the corner of my right eye
I turned, but there was no one there.
I sensed movement
out of the corner of my left eye
I turned, again there was no one there
but there was a smell
not the usual one, from that sock
abandoned at the bottom of my gym bag
this was rancid, pungent, acrid, fetid, halitotic
with a hint of damp weasel
the smell of venal ambition
the smell of distilled evil
one hundred per cent proof.

Taking part in Open Link Weekend over at earthweal

Issue #13, Vapid Magazine

looking at me (2)

Issue #13 of Vapid Magazine will be out next week

In this issue:

Kellyanne Conway reveals how she cured her husband’s insomnia!

Melania Trump wonders out loud if there is anything in the constitution that says the White House has to be white (she’s thinking pink stucco!).

Rudy Giuliani denies that the White House is white.

Robert Mueller shares his barbecue sauce recipe (un-redacted) and talks about retiring and opening a funeral parlour

In an exclusive interview Mrs Mueller talks about life with Bob (quote: “You’re disappointed! Let me tell you about disappointment”).

Plus….we ask the question: are algorithms ruling our lives? And fail to answer it, because we have no idea what an algorithm is.

In our How To feature, Jared Kushner demonstrates how to enter a house through the clothes dryer vent. Well done, Jared!

And finally in our health section, we ask:
Is your skin getting thinner? Do you wake up in the morning and feel offended before you get out of bed?
Are you at the point where apologies just don’t do it anymore?
Ten easy to follow tips to help you thicken that epidermis (the French word for skin)!

Vapid Magazine…home of all things vapid!