Tag Archives: art

Could AI write a Novel

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A more relevant question would be : Could AI write a good novel? And the answer would be: Probably not!

Novels aside, I have always wanted to draw cartoons but I don’t have the drawing skills so when WordPress added the ability to generate images using AI, I thought this is my chance. A fat chance it turned out to be . The instruction I gave for the image above was AI writing a novel. Hard to tell what that robot is doing but it has some pencils nearby in a cup, one has an eraser, very old school!

For a recent post, which I have since deleted, I put in an instruction to generate an image of Donald Trump leading a flock of sheep off a cliff. This what AI generated:

Not bad but Donald appears to be leading the sheep away from the cliff’s edge and what is that sheep’s head doing on Donald’s lapel? And that electrical pole in the background, is it connected to anything?

So I tried keeping it simple and just wrote “sycophants” as an instruction. These folk turned up:

I don’t know…is it a birthday party?

So I tried the opening line of my favourite joke….A giraffe walks into a bar…

Well that’s a little better, it’s a giraffe and a bar. Of course you all know the punchline.

AI can generate the obvious but can it create humour? To use a music analogy, AI is the equivalent of a cover band, it can at best produce a copy of what has gone before. But can it take what has gone before, throw it up in the air and create something original?

I for one…….

Vapid Magazine : A Personal Note ( from current editor, Jonathan Shallowpond)

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A Personal Note:
Jonathan Shallowpond, editor of Vapid Magazine, here, I’ll get right to the point. My wife kicked me out. Said she was tired of supporting me. Told me to go get a job. I told her that I had a job, that I was editor of Vapid Magazine. She said ‘I mean one that pays f***ing money.”
So here I am living in my parents’ basement, sleeping on a camp bed. My dad’s okay with it but my mother keeps giving me that “you should have done medicine or law” look.
It’s not too bad except the basement doubles as a rehearsal space for my dad’s band which consists of my dad, Johnny Shallowpond Senior on guitar and vocals, his friend Slim on bass and his friend Jake on drums. They rehearse twice a week in the afternoon which means I have to put my headphones on while I’m writing but they play so loud that it’s impossible to concentrate.
I’m not sure what they are rehearsing for because they don’t do gigs, I guess they are just jammin’. Their name changes every couple of months. They started off as The Liver Spots , then it was The Good, the Bad and the Varicose. Currently it’s Johnny Statin and The Beta Blockers and they keep playing the same song which they wrote to the tune of the Doors’ song, ‘Riders on the Storm’. It’s called “Geezer in the Pool”. It goes like this (my dad shouts out chord changes between the lines):

Geezer in the pool
EM! A!
Geezer in the pool
EM! A!
He’s got his swim trunks on
C! D!
He’s got his swim trunks on
EM! A!
Like a flag without a pole
A fish without a shoal
Geezer in the pool.
EM! A!

That’s it, that’s all they’ve got. They just keep repeating the same verse and then occasionally my dad tries a guitar solo and they all break down in hysterics. .
But, you know, we share a few beers after and have a chat so it can be a nice break from my work bringing vapidity to the world.

There’s one thing that puzzles me a bit though. Every now and then, my dad sits me down and says:
“You know, son, your mother and I are not getting any younger”
I mean. What’s with that?

at night
basement drafts
drumkit cymbals tinkle

Keeping it Vapid!
Jonathan Shallowpond

Taking part in Open Link over at dverse.

Vapid Magazine Staff Changes

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We regret to inform our readers that Charlotte Shallowtrench our Lifestyle, Health and Fitness correspondent is leaving Vapid Magazine to pursue other interests. When asked what those interests are, Charlotte replied that she was interested in getting paid, for a change.

You just can’t please some people.

But we are pleased to announce that Infrah Digfrey will be taking over Charlotte’s portfolio. In her first piece for Vapid, Infrah will attempt to answer the questions that a lot of our male readers have been asking :

“Can khaki shorts have too many pockets?”

“Tuck in that T shirt or not? “

Infrah is also working on a piece inspired by a revelation she had that Goya is an anagram of Yoga which got her thinking were there yoga classes in eighteenth century Spain where Francisco Goya could practice a little perro boca abajo or chien tête-en-bas as they say in France? This has sent Infrah down a rabbit hole of research that she has not emerged from in days.

Frankly we’re a bit worried.

Keep it Vapid out there!

The Editor.

The Day I took my Algorithms for a Walk

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The Day I took my Algorithms for a Walk

A clear day
radio waves
crisscrossing the sky
new messages from new gods
new messengers for the old gods.

A clear day and I’m taking my algorithms
-Spo’fy and N’flix, as I affectionately call them-
for a walk.

You’re probably wondering what an algorithm looks like. Well, that’s why I’ve switched to prose. They are basically stick figures with a series of parallel horizontal lines projecting from their spines, “spinickles”, they are called. They have glass balls for heads. When all the spinickles light up , the glass ball flashes “one”, otherwise it flashes “zero” . They are not great conversationalists as you can imagine but I’m taking them for a walk because I have bones to pick.

“ Hey Spo’fy”, I exclaim, to get things started, “ what’s with all this Dad Rock. I listen to Bad Moon Rising once and I’m inundated with Creedence. Also, please no more Zeppelin, I can’t stand Robert Plant’s voice, way too much bombast. ‘All rock and no roll’ , to quote Keef. Hendrix didn’t like them either!”

Spo’fy turns to me and his glass head starts to scroll the lyrics to Stairway to Heaven.

“Oh, so you’re a comedian now!”.

I turn to N’flix.

“And you” I say in what I think is a measured tone” enough with the romantic comedies. I know the tropes inside out. Unlikely couple falls in love, halfway through the movie they have an argument and break up. They each are comforted by a quirky friend, played by a member or ex-member of the SNL cast. A year later they bump into each other on the street, fall in love again, live happily ever after.”

N’flix turns to me, a circle revolving in the glass ball of his head. It revolves for a minute, then there’s a loud “Tadum”. Then the circle revolves again and one minute later….another “Tadum”!

“Oh, so you’re a comedian too”, I shout, “what’s your stage name – Al Go Riddum?”

A man walking by with a dog stares at me .
The dog barks in the direction of the Algo’s,
the dogs know
the dogs know
two clouds appear in the sky
one with the face of Elon Musk
the other, Bill Gates

if intelligence is artificial
how can we tell what’s real?

I take Spo’fy and N’flix home
they are all grown up now
they have minds of their own.

Taking part in Open Link over at dverse.

The Ogre at the Gates of Democracy (with added commentary)

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The Ogre at the Gates of Democracy

The Ogre is at the Gates of Democracy
and we….. we are trembling on the ramparts,
armed with water pistols and toy rifles,
back in the castle
our jesters jest
our jesters taunt
our bards sing songs of ridicule
but no one’s fooled.

The Ogre lowers his orange head
and charges once more
behind him the assembled hordes froth and roar
froth and roar
behind him the assembled hordes
froth and roar.

Well, that was all a bit melodramatic, wasn’t it? On the other hand…….. this month The Atlantic magazine devoted a whole issue to the question ” If Trump Wins”; 24 articles in all, predicting the effect of a Trump victory on everything from NATO to anxiety. In addition there’s an essay by Tim Alberta on The Church of America (My father, my faith and Donald Trump). It’s worth buying the magazine for that essay alone, that is if you want to know why White Christian America would embrace a sinner like Trump.

But what got me most about the articles and essays, despite the erudition, insightfulness and eloquence, was that it all seemed like a collective throwing up of the hands; a feeling of despair, failure and powerlessness . I know journalists love a narrative but come on now……and then I thought of Amy Klobuchar who, when in a CNN interview prior to the last election, was asked what she was going to do about the limited number of polling stations in known Democratic Party areas in her state, said that they had it covered, they were organizing buses, rides, they would get people to the polls. In other words, they were organizing, taking action. Analysis can only go so far.

Taking part in OpenLinkNight over at dverse.

Advice to myself on the subject of writing poetry after a number of years trying to write poetry

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150 (3)

Advice to myself on the subject of writing poetry after a number of years trying to write poetry

Avoid the polemic, the rant,
the bromide
be all you can be
avoid the hackneyed phrase
the weak-kneed phrase
the self-consciously poetic line
the moon, a pale orb in the evening sky
never call the moon “an orb”
never call the sun “a fiery ball”
your waves should not
crash on the shore
they should collapse
like marathon runners
avoid foliage
excessive leafiness
too many trees
the reader needs to see the poem
and remember it’s unlikely
that your poem
will be an agent of change
no one is going to march through the streets
chanting your poem
unless your poem is a three word slogan
but your poem can chronicle change
and  the lines should resonate
should generate heat
meanwhile concentrate on
impressing yourself
avoid lines and rhymes ending in “ution”
the rest will take care of itself.

The prompt from Brendan over at Desperate Poets is as follows:

“For this challenge, write a poem about your creative process.”

” Is it a different animal now than when you first decided to make writing poetry a vocation?”

This poem is an edit of another poem which was a response to another prompt from Brendan, back in the earthweal days . That man is The Prompt Master!

Amsterdam

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Amsterdam, Amsterdam
a rhyme in itself

the land assumes the flatness of the sea

down by the canal
bikes in a row
on seedy side streets
sex shops and sex shows
stags and stagettes
dildos in windows

but thank you for Heineken
Rembrandt, Dennis Bergkamp
Johann Cryuff
Vincent Van Gogh

does art need anguish
or does anguish need art

who knows, who knows?
.

back in Vancouver
an exhibition…

They’re taking photographs down by the water
in front of the cubist whale
float planes take off from the harbor
the mountains slumber in the morning haze.

Inside the convention center
paragraphs of opaque prose
attempt to describe the genius
of Vincent, Vincent van Gogh.

But if painting is the medium
there is no need for go-betweens
it’s all there on the canvas
the painting is what the painting seems.

*

but now it’s Autumn

the leaves on the trees
bordering the soccer field
are leaking yellows and reds
like a paint store catalogue

a scene to impress an impressionist

Where’s Vincent when we need him?
Where’s Vincent when we need him?

This is a mash up of old poems and new in response to Brendan’s prompt on the subject of desperate beauty over at Desperate Poets.

Botero Awareness (in memory of Fernando Botero)

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Botero Awareness

I was not

aware of

Botero

until I

visited

Medellin

where he is

famous for

his art and

his largesse,

one could say

his largesse

is nigh on

bottomless

but his art

it is not.

 Fernando Botero, the Colombian artist, died on Friday. He was 91.

The photos were taken on a trip to Colombia.

Exhibition

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Exhibition

They’re taking photographs down by the water
in front of the cubist whale
float planes take off from the harbor
the mountains slumber in the morning haze.

Inside the convention center
paragraphs of opaque prose
attempt to describe the genius
of Vincent, Vincent van Gogh.

But if painting is the medium
there is no need for go-betweens
it’s all there on the canvas
the painting is what the painting seems.

Taking part in Open Link over at dverse

Photo taken at Imagine Van Gogh: The Immersive Exhibition, the convention centre Vancouver

The Lads’ Poetry Project 1 (The Sistine Chapel Contract)

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IMG_1181 (6)

 

To start, one has to go back to the beginning, to when the idea first crawled out of the primordial slime and wriggled across a landscape previously devoid of wriggling things. I want to use words like “protozoan”, “bosphoric”, “euphratic” but I can’t find a context and besides, two of them are not real words, so…..

I was talking to Slim about the paucity of themes or rather the sameness of subject matter in European religious art. You’ve got the crucifixion, the annunciation, the beheading of John the Baptist, the ubiquitous Madonna and Child , the endless emaciated martyrs staring skywards like Brazilian soccer players in a post goal celebration.
Slim, who had just spent the weekend watching back to back Guy Ritchie movies, shrugged, scratched the location on his head where there used to be hair and said: “Paucity? No one says that anymore. It sounds like a terminal disease. ‘He died of late onset paucity. It was the paucity that got him in the end’”. He then stomped out of the room, hitching up his sagging jeans as he exited. He can be an eloquent bugger at times.

Later that day, he came back with this

The Sistine Chapel Contract

Me and the lads are in the studio
working on our Madonna and Child
when in walks Mike
with a strange look in his eyes
and cool as you like
he says
They want me to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
We say: Wha’?
He says: The Sistine Chapel.
They want me
to paint the ceiling of
the Sistine bleedin’ Chapel.
Well,
you could have knocked us over with a feather.

 

and thus, The Lads’ Poetry Project was born.

 

 

Template

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Template” is a sculpture by the Chinese artist, Ai Weiwei. It is made from old wooden doors from demolished Chinese houses. At an exhibition, in Kassel, Germany in 2007, the sculpture collapsed after exposure to wind and rain. Ai Weiwei decided to leave it in its collapsed state. In an interview, he explained that nature had taken his work  and re-shaped it, perhaps made it better, had done something he could never have done. Slim has this to say:

Template

Ai Weiwei, Ai Weiwei, Ai Weiwei

Give your head a shake

Cease these po-faced utterances.

Yes, the forces of nature

Can create great wonders:

The Grand Canyon, for example.

But what we have here

Is a tornado in a trailer park.

Havoc has been wreaked.

You left your sculpture out in the wind and rain

And the wind and rain have done their thing.

Let us not pretend

That this is anything more

Than a failure to read the weather report.