Stock Market
a bear is on the loose
the once priapic market
losing altitude
false hopes and false dreams for sale
nothing tangible.
This is response to the dVerse prompt to write about markets. It’s a haiku that I have upgraded (?) to a tanka, check out the poetry over at dVerse, some excellent market poems.
The photo is of an actual market in Sicily.
Foraging with Farage
In his new television series
Foraging with Farage
coming soon to The Bollocks Network
Nigel laments
the influx of foreign fungi
to the hallowed fields and forests
of the Kingdom By The Sea
and the subsequent decline
of the Great English Mushroom.
In the final episode,
under the influence of psilocybin
Nigel takes a walk in the forest
and encounters a naked Boris Johnson
sitting on a giant toad stool
in a sunlit glade.
Boris, Nigel exclaims,
full of chagrin
and psilocybin,
I thought you were a natural blonde!
Has it all been a lie?
This is dream sequence, you fool,
Boris replies
The writers have run out of ideas.
He then tumbles off the toad stool
and bounds on all fours into the forest.
I tell you folks
if you miss one television series this year
make sure it’s this one!
Bucket List (a ghazal)
mountain climbing in County Meath
put it on my bucket list
fly fishing in the Sahara
put it on my bucket list
snow shoeing in the Serengeti
put it on my bucket list
surfing in Saskatchewan
put it on my bucket list
stop hiding behind a shield of sarcasm
Really? Put that on my bucket list?
write a ghazal about everlasting love
aw fuck it, put it on my bucket list
stop peppering my poems with profanity
that’s a prohibition, it has no place on the list
It’s ghazal time again over at dverse, so here’s another attempt. By the way, in a classical ghazal (which this is not!), it is customary to insert one’s name in the final couplet.
Sorry about the language, I’ll do anything for a rhyme!
Saturday Morning in Idabel
There’s a dead armadillo
On the side of the road
Empty beer can in his claws
That joke just never gets old
There’s a dog on the shoulder
Trying to bite his own tail
I’m in the motel parking lot
Watching that dog fail
And I can’t remember
When I ever felt this low
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
And I ain’t got no place to go.
Down at the Piggly Wiggly
There’s no one in the aisles
No one at the check-out counter
Hasn’t been for a while
There’s a big box store sitting
Out of town, someplace
People are moving towards it
Like it came from outer space
And I can’t remember
When I ever felt this low
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
And I ain’t got no place to go
And Cookie he is worried
His wife’s leg has turned black
He’s got a concealed weapon’s license
A shotgun and a rack
And he has no idea
How he’ll pay the hospital bill
He says: guns never hurt nobody
only people kill
And I can’t remember
When I ever felt this low
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
Saturday morning in Idabel
And I ain’t got no place to go
Amaya, over at dVerse has asked for a poem about or based on a song to which we have a strong emotional connection. The above piece is a song lyric I wrote thinking of Kris Kristofferson’s “Sunday Morning Coming Down”. I used to travel in my work, and I got stuck in strange towns and cities on Sunday mornings quite a lot. Being away from my family was a depressing experience at times and Kris Kristofferson’s song lyrics resonated. On the upside, being stuck in Idabel, Oklahoma, generated a poem, and a song lyric which my friend, John Mitchell wrote music for, (I have previously posted about that process).
“On a Sunday morning sidewalk
I’m wishing, Lord, that I was stoned
‘Cause there’s something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone
And there’s nothin’ short of dyin’
That’s half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleepin’ city sidewalk
And Sunday mornin’ comin’ down”
Walk (Dublin 2016)
In Iveagh gardens an exhibition promises:
Contemporary sculpture based on
Non-monumental ideas of the uncanny.
This phrase sticks like chewing gum
To the bedpost of my mind
As I walk through Stephen’s Green,
Replacing: One then offers the cat up to the aperture
Which, according to my brother,
Is the ultimate step in programming
One’s automatic cat door to accept
One’s micro-chipped cat.
Outside the Shelbourne Hotel
Tourists wearing horned helmets
Board a Viking ship on wheels.
I am in search of a pub sandwich
Two slices of white bread, ham, cheese ,
Toasted in a cellophane pack
Small jar of mustard on the side
Served with Guinness
In a quiet pub where I can sit
And think non monumental thoughts
And where the barman asks me
As we watch Lionel Messi
float past three transfixed defenders
Is he the best ever?
And I am surprised not at the question
But at the deference.
The challenge from Anmol over at dverse, is to write a poem on the subject of walking and observing. This poem was written after a trip back to my home town of Dublin. Walking around one’s home town is not so much about looking for the new as it is about re-discovering the past; it’s more about the memories that the place holds rather than the physical aspect of the place. It’s also about trying to recover a feeling or an experience from the past.
The photo is of Dublin from Sandymount Strand, and of course, Joyce’s “snot-green, scrotum-tightening sea”.
(The poem appeared previously in the Galway Review)
The Wrong Way Home
happy hours and peeler bars
he’s taking the wrong way home
a friendly toke, a line of coke
he’s taking the wrong way home
the night is young, pass that bong
he’s taking the wrong way home
a McFlurry, an Indian curry
he’s taking the wrong way home
a pounding head, a stranger’s bed
he’s taking the wrong way home
early dawn, suitcase on the lawn
he’s found his way home.
…..over at dVerse, the verse form of the month is a ghazal, this is my attempt! For a full description of the form, check out their very informative post .
Hal The Halibunist Looks Back On His Long Career
halibuns about Haliburton
halibuns about halitosis
halibuns about Halle Berry
halibuns about Halley’s Comet
halibuns about Spiritus Mundi
halibuns about Rosamund Pike
halibuns about Solomon Grundy
halibuns just for the fun of it
halibuns at Sun Dance
halibuns in Halifax
halibuns about halibut
halibundance
halibundance
halibundance.
That Eternal Question
god’s old dilemma
exercise or exorcise
judgement or demons
(the prompt from Kim over at dVerse is to write a quadrille -44 word poem- using the word “rich”)
Little Richard
Richard Penniman
Little Richard
not just any man
a pioneer of rock and roll
twelve bars and no holds barred
and all about that one thing:
Molly likes to ball
Sally has everything that Uncle John needs
Sue knows just what to do
a-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-wop-bam-boom.
Breakfast at Denny’s
sitting in Denny’s
Jared wonders how is ass
got to be so big
Joan, the waitress, announces
they are flat out of pancakes.
The Stats
a recent survey shows
that sixty per cent
of all statisticians
suffer from
percentile dysfunction.
A Lai for Bob
adenoidal snarl
it’s about a girl
mostly
but sometimes, the world
and how it turns, or
maybe
it’s a frantic swirl
of images, words
let fly
with venom and spite
an angry prophet
raging
but he’s more than that:
clown, joker, poet,
snide sage
in a feathered hat
an imp at sunset
dancing.
( a few notes on the form – each verse in a lai has nine lines arranged in groups of three; each group contains a couplet of 5 syllable lines and a single 2 syllable line; the rhyming pattern is aab aab aab; each verse can have different end rhymes but the pattern must be the same, for example…ccd ccd etc. I have been a bit loose with what constitutes a rhyme , so this poem is sort of lai-based, but I have tried to maintain consistency in terms of vowels and/or consonants.
For more detailed discussion on the form, check out here )
Participating in Open Link Night over at dVerse.
The Oscar of being George ( a hesitant haiku)
pride comes before a…….
without pride….one would never…
get up……off one’s arse.
Ah, well……the challenge over at dVerse is to write a lai or a lai nouveau. I read the rules for the lai nouveau and they are so complicated I am afraid I might vanish up my own arse if I tried one….so here’s another lai…(re the rhymes, I have tried to keep the same vowel sound in the couplet end rhymes).
Skunk
struts across the lawn
in the early dawn
tail high
sphincter primed, that gland
full of mercaptan
stands by
an insurance plan,
deterrent, demand…..
supply.
The Tight Rope Walker
After John’s hamster died
he could not tell up from down,
he became a tight rope walker
tottering grimly forward
without pole or safety net
modern medicine is just a sham
couldn’t save one damn hamster
he never acknowledged
the gravity of his situation.
The challenge over at dVerse is to write a quadrille (44 word poem), incorporating the word “up”.
The Age of Narcissus
how far we have come
twenty years ago
no one could spell narcissist.
Conveyor
I replaced a defective mechanical arm once
on the night shift at the Bird’s Eye factory
in Eastbourne, England.
The arm swept the green beans from the main chute into side conveyors
where ladies wearing hair nets
separated the good beans from the bad.
It was the top conveyor,
so I was in full view of the workers below
as I moved my arm back and forth
sweeping beans in a poor imitation of a mechanical arm.
My fellow student workers threw beans at me
and the ladies in hair nets shouted “get a move on, Paddy”;
my name isn’t ‘Paddy’
but that’s what English people called Irish people back then.
Time moved like molasses
time dragged its feet like a moody teenager
time passed like a wet Sunday in Belfast
On the way home in the early morning,
we stole milk bottles from doorsteps,
just because we could.
Taking part in Open Link Night over at dVerse, check them out here.
Of Hatches and Ports
batten down the hatches
any port in a storm;
I have to admit
storm or no storm
I have never liked port
it always seemed to me
to be a drink from a time
when men retired after dinner
to a separate room to warm their arses
at the fire, share a bottle,
and indulge in convivial chat –
the odour of old sweat rising from tweed
the ladies in the next room, discussing
what else: their husbands and their gout
Inspired by the prompt “batten down the hatches” over at Saturday Mix – Mad about Metaphor.
Faint Praise (Lai 2)
the lay of the land
a bird in the hand
stock phrase
a saint of a man
always been a fan
faint praise
something on your mind
that can’t be defined
malaise.
It’s time for another verse form over at dVerse, this one is called a “Lai”; learn all about it here.
This is my second attempt. Not sure about this one.
Small Bird
without caveat
fucks off, just like that
small bird
apropos of naught
the birch tree distraught
no word
from the bird, not yet
how soon we forget
absurd.
It’s time for another verse form over at dVerse, this one is called a “Lai”; learn all about it here.
If Robert Mueller Wrote a Tanka
Why the long face, Bob?
always that same damn question
since I was a boy,
and always the same answer:
it is long because it’s long.
Okay, just one more……
If Justin Trudeau Wrote a Haiku
I’m a feminist;
man, it’s difficult, women…
I just don’t get them.
Photo: English Bay, Vancouver, A-MAZE-ING LAUGHTER, by Yue Minjun.
Easter Monday Haiku
blue sky, scattered clouds
slow day at the pearly gates
not a soul in sight.
If Ivanka Wrote a Tanka
dawn at Camp Kushner:
wake up, my little weasel
slither forth again
and wriggle up the pant legs
of rich and powerful men.
…… a repeat, because of the day that’s in it…..
Holy Scripture
when asked to
pick a font
he replied:
baptismal.
Photo Of Baptistry, Pisa, Italy.
So Long, Halong
As we ride out of Cat Ba
through a valley circled
by limestone crags,
a compilation of pop ballads
from the seventies and eighties
oozes from the speakers
and the affable English backpackers
at the back of the bus
groan in faux horror
as Aerosmith follows Bryan Adams
follows George Michaels
follows Michael Jackson
but when the Bee Gees launch
“How Deep Is Your Love”
the backpackers quieten down
and the driver stops honking his horn
at the dogs, children, women
in cone hats and cyclists
with finely balanced cargos
who drift carelessly
in front of the bus
as if it was an invisible
visitor from the future,
and we all strain against
the tug of the song’s chorus
far too cool to sing along
except for one backpacker
let’s call him Nigel
or Christian, or Jason, or Justin
who, in a high piping voice
declares his oneness
with the song’s embattled lovers.
This poem was first published in Oddball Magazine, and is a re-post from 2016. Participating in Open Link Night over at dVerse.
Stopdraggingthepanda 